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and its times like these
that i start to doubt
and question
and doubt again
emotionally upset because of you.
seriously you are such a selfish person, so self-centred, thinking that everything has you as the focus.
unable to understand what it means to go out of your way to do smth for someone else because it is always about you isn't it.
i'm sorry that youu had to get nagged at. but thank youu for calling.
i love you and miss you every second of the day
i wish youu were here with me and i wish that i wasn't a mangled mess rite now.
so emotional.
sighh.
without youu, i have no emotional support left anymore
i miss youu, soo soo much
as i was looking through them, commenting on nearly every single photo, it suddenly struck me that man, my lil' sister's grown up...
she's growing wings and becoming independent
not that its a bad thing, it was just a realisation
i guess having grown up together and growing as close as we became, i somehow thought that you know, we would spend our whole lives together, never really separated. but hey, that's impossible isn't it! just so used to having our lives so intertwined that i'm not used to not knowing who the people in the photographs with her are, or being able to see the things that she sees or experiences. sometimes, just sometimes, i think that i don't want to get married because i don't want us to build different lives apart
it has been a whirlwind of emotions
with xuewen flying off to brisbane
and then vday, bday and month anniversary falling within a few days of each other
i've been very blessed
i am very blessed
i think joshua thrives on making me feel like a princess
the surprise cake at 12am on 18th feb
on the outer deck of the amazing restaurant atop mt faber
the secret birthday dinner location, the jewel box
i love you sweetheart.
i miss you baby sister.
i find myself thinking about xuewen's departure more and more
and each time, the amount of sadness that i feel increases
i feel like i can't get enough of her even in these remaining days
man,
i'm really really going to miss my sister like crazy ):
- i'm feeling:sad):
I love you.
But can love really conquer everything?
It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why
can nothing be simple
i really really miss joshua :(
i just woke up not long ago and started the first day of 2010 on a bad day.
on hindsight, i probably shldn't have gone for the sleepover at church because i ended up waking up so late in the day.. not good for the health both physically and psychologically.
arh well, 2009 reflections.. wanted to do it on the last day of the year but since ytd was a busy busy day, today is good too.
2009 wasn't the best year i've had. in fact, it probably might have been one of the worse years i've had in my 21 years. ok, maybe worse years doesn't quite cut it but it has probably been the most dramatic year i've had. at the very beginning of the year, i rmb penning down my things to do for this year and i think besides learning how to drive, i completed the rest, i thinkk.
( 2009 )
arh, actually when i've got it all penned out, the later half of 2009 doesn't seem as bad as it was though i rmb thinking that things were spiralling down and out of control. perhaps its because of the stark contrast the earlier half of the year provided with its perfect moments and beautiful memories that the second half seemed like a dark and rough period. i've had my share of regrets the last year but i've also had my share of blessings, of grace, of contentment and joy and i truly thank God for those moments.
as i embark on this new year instead with a couple of major issues overhanging from the past year, i hope that i would be able to better handle myself and whatever comes my way. I hope that God will continue to stand and walk by me as i continue down this tunnel of uncertainty regarding my own health. I pray that joshua and i will continue to grow in our rship with God and with each other. I pray for the emotional strength to handle xw's departure to study in australia. I pray for the discipline in my studies, that i will give it my best knowing that it might be my final semester in nus. I pray for the strength for the entire family as we handle the various challenges that God has set in our path as a family.
and so marks the end of a long reflective entry.
i am in pain.
real physical pain.
ouch.
giving me so many problems.
- i'm feeling:painnnnn
